Selfish

This is a negative but none-fishing for compliments type blog entry in which I express my insides. Just thinking.

I do believe I am selfish

This is something I've been told time and time again.

"The world doesn't revolve around you, Andrea".

Lies.

In my head, it does.

It's not always a horrible thing. It's a folly. Part of my charm.

I don't know where or why it began. Also, being territorial comes along with the, um, well, territory of being selfish.

I really do not mean to be. I work hard hard hard at trying.

I try at a lot of things negative: selfishness, anger, temper, frustration.

I am a lot of these things wrapped into one.

(trying trying trying)


And yet I find people still love ME. It's hard to imagine that I am all of those things and yet somehow the good in me shines through and family and friends choose to like, love and want to be in my own company

I'm not bragging, just thinking.

Having a child has helped me immensely although this was never ever a fix all thought or wish by any means. We chose to have children to give after all. I love him so much.

My most selfish time of the day is evening when I cut out of living early and zone out sitting in bed reading and writing. I cherish this hour I have to myself. I crave it and depend on it and I am fiercely protective of my early bed time. I need that unwind time from pretending to NOT be selfish and angry and bitter all day.

To say I have issues is putting it lightly. Every one has issues though. Just some of us are more honest and vocal about themselves than other.

I don't beat up on myself anymore. I just choose to put it out there and work with it. It's definitely a defense mechanism. Pointing out your flaws before others point them out to you.

I just want to be me. The older I have gotten the more comfortable I am with myself in all aspects.

I just try and be realistic and most the time people don't want to hear that so I stifle my inner person or cover her up with a tiny giggle or smile or a nod of a head. It's more socially acceptable. I'm kind of reaching the point where I'm ready to break out again and just be Andrea. The girl that can be rude or abrupt but will always let you know what she thinks. All the while trying to maintain a little tact.

But I bet I'll make you smile or laugh or think along the way.

I'm Brunette

A few months ago I posted on Facebook about a plastic real life sized deer that was in the backyard of one of our neighbors. Their backyard faces a busier street in the 'hood so I assumed, being the city girl that I am, that it was a surveillance camera trying to catch speeders. I drove by that house very slow and carefully thinking I was pulling one over on "the man". "Ahhhh haaa", I thought. I'm on to you sneaky Garner Police!" When I received comments on Facebook I was embarrassed to learn that it was NOT a police camera but a hunting practice prop. So apparently people target practice on this plastic animal. Surveillance camera. Right...

So yesterday when I drove by Bambi's back yard I realized that she/he had been beheaded. Yes, the head was completely gone. Tis now but a headless animal to practice hunting on. WTF? GONE. I am baffled by what happened. I may need to take pictures.

Other stupid things I have done/said?

I once saw a cool tattoo on a guys arm at the bar. I asked a friend what the hell that symbol was, to which he replied, "It's an infinity symbol". I whispered back, "why would you get a car brand tattooed on your arm? Lame.".

I once cleaned out my fridge for the first time ever. Yes, you are reading that right. First time ever. When I was done and the fridge was bare I sprinkled Arm and Hammer baking soda in the fridge like Carpet Fresh. Then I called my mother asking her why anyone would do such a thing because now my fridge was all dirty again. Apparently you just need to put the whole BOX in the fridge.

I once stole a recipe from my Mom for a jalapeno corn casserole to take to my works Thanksgiving dinner. Well, she just TOLD me the recipe, nothing in writing. So the next day at work she asked me how the casserole went and how long I baked it. "Baked it?" Yeah. Didn't bake it. No one complained though.

There are lots of other stupid things I have done/said. I'm really not dumb, I swear.

The AC did done broke.

Today I am spring cleaning. Or whatever, just cleaning.

A lot of Henry's clothes that he's outgrown and have sentimental value are boxed and ready to go in the attic. The closet is clean and I think we're ready to start hanging his clothes instead of folding. In my mind hanging is easier than folding.

Our AC is broke right now and if this sounds like a rerun it's because it is. Last year it was "breaking" the whole spring/summer and now it is BROKE. I'll spare you the details but I threw a shit fit when we came home on Monday evening to an 85 degree house (94 outside). I think the insulation in our house SUCKS. Even with the windows open it only cooled down to 79 last night in the living room. So, after I through the shit fit I promptly went to Target to get a window unit and that's kept us cool for the last 3 days for the most part. I'm thankful that we're supposed to return to normal temps and it shouldn't be so bad the next week. Anyway, Friday the AC people are coming out to evaluate the situation and Wednesday is the installation day. There goes our tax refund and more! :) What can ya do, right?

That's what's going on at our house, what's going on at yours?

Poop

Guess what my kid's into these days?

Massive power dumps that leak up his back causing me to shriek, gag, run around like a mad woman preparing emergency baths, outfit changes and last minute laundry loads.

Haha. You thought I was going to say he's into stuffed animals or trains or something.

Poop.

Poop. That's right, this mini-blog was brought to you by the word poop. Everybody does it.

Local SAHM Makes Horrifying Dinner

I made dinner into an uber disaster

I'm not sure I loathe cooking, enjoy it, or just do it because it's a necessity. One thing is for sure, I'm not that great at it.

I cannot follow a recipe unless it's baking a cake or something. I always have to tweak, add, modify, slice where there is to be

shreds, shred where there are supposed to be wholes. More often than not my creations are works of culinary art. No, just

kidding...not art, but passable as food which is the most important part. Right?

Well, I got real creative today and created this horrible monstrosity of a dinner. What started off as crock pot porkchops in a chicken bullion and mushroom soup base turned into that - AND MORE. I thought to myself, "lookee here, I have an envelope of dry vegetable soup mix, and OH! Dry ranch mix, that's always yummy in a crock pot dish...hmm, shall I add fresh mushrooms? Sure, why the hell not?!?"

So I've had the super slow cooker recipe in the crock pot all day...cooking, and simmering, bubbling and steaming and fooling me with delicious scents wafting from the kitchen.

It's almost time for Alan to get home so I'm thinking I should wrap up the dish and be all June Cleaver (note, I originally typed DORIS Cleaver).

Well hell. I'm not sure why I made so much broth type like soup stuff. Ugh, it's gross, salty and thin. I add instant mashed potatoes thinking it'll thicken up and I can make some type of gravy type thing. I add half the box before it's decided that I better come up with another plan. Now I have a gross, salty, thin, artificial mashed potato slop on my hands.

So I think, "Macaroni! Macaroni makes everything better! Maybe I can pull the pork chops out, add macaroni and make a pork mac like chili mac but better! Yes, that's what I'll do."

I make myself eat a couple of spoon fulls of the over pleasing broth and finally decide that there is nothing I can do to make this better. Scratch the pork mac, I'm making vegetable pasta salad to have with the pork chops (which are actually yummy!). Veggie pasta salad is like one of the only dishes I can make right every time. Except I have no vegetables except peppers and frozen peas.

Are you thinking what I'm thinking?!?

Pepper frozen pea pasta salad!

::hurl::

Poor Alan.

6 Months - The Holy Grail of Baby-isms

Dear Hank the Tank,

Boy oh Boy have you grown and earned your nickname. You are BIG! Not rolls of cute baby fat big, but just um, large of stature. I don't have your 6 month stats yet as your 6 month check up isn't until the 15th of this month. But I will tell you that you're growing out of your 9 month sized clothes and moving on in to your 12 month onesies and sleepers.

You are the reason for so many things in my life. Happy reasons.

Your smile and laugh are delightful! You laugh all the time, even when you are tired. You whine a couple of times then laugh and repeat. Your new favorite social thing to do is "play-cough" to see if your adult buddy will repeat. Then you (and I) will go on and on laughing and coughing.

I swear you are saying Mammmm maaah when you are cranky and hungry. But it could be that I am hearing what I want to hear. I do that a lot.

Here are the milestones you are currently doing:
Eating solids (smushed up solids)
Eating bits and bobs of bread and cereals
starting to use a sippy-cup but get pissed off when it doesn't work for you
rolling over from front to back
attempting to crawl
sitting up (with pillows on all sides 'coz you tumble over sometimes
cry when I leave the room (sometimes)
getting more intelligent with your hand eye coordination
laughing until you get hiccups


And I'm sure I'm leaving some off...but that small list is not the point of this letter. The point is to tell you how much we love you and how honored we are to be your parents.

Everyone tells me what a happy baby you are and how joyful you are and it's the truth! I always tell your Daddy that you have a fan club wherever we go. People recognize and say hello to you at the grocery store I shop at and you always greet them with a smile.

**Blatant shout outs here** Quite the traveler, you have made 3 complete round air flights to see Nana-Jana, Pop, Uncle Kyle, Grampers and Grandma H, Great Mini Aunt Rose Ann, and cousin Melissa and Davis, and Aunt Meg, Kris and Uncle Kelly in Tulsa. Multiple car rides to Grandma and Grandpa P and Aunt Angela, Uncle Damian and Cousin Damian. And we're getting ready to fly to St. Louis to see your cousin Nathan and Aunt Jen and Uncle Chad. You are an excellent traveler and I love that we're able to take these trips. This summer you'll get to go to your first wedding (out of belly) when Uncle John and Aunt Weezy get married. Exciting!! You're extended family loves, adores and spoils you too.

I'm looking forward to and getting kind of nervous for the next few months as you become increasingly mobile. I'm sure it will be "fun" and exhausting. But that's okay. This is great - this parenting thing.

Love you for always for ever and ever for sure,

Mom