Bored

This winter can suck and blow it.

I'm late to the game seeing as February ends tomorrow but I'm stating for the record and repeating what the majority of people already know: February is the longest shortest month ever.

I haven't written because literally there's not much to report. Moods are good, baby is fun, hubby is home more (happy days!).

I haven't had a hair cut since September and it's in a permanent pony tail or french twist these days. This makes me want to cut my hair but the other side of me thinks it would be futile. I'd some how end up putting it in a pony tail anyway, especially since Henry's been reaching out and PULLING WITH SURPRISINGLY EXCESSIVE FORCE on my hair. So perhaps I'll go for a trim over the next couple of weeks but keep letting it grow. What do you guys think about some Bettie Page style bangs? On the other hand, maybe not....I dunno. Perhaps I should get another tattoo? I'm desperately trying to find some sort of something to do with myself.

Yard work this weekend, next weekend M-ville to see the inlaws & celebrate birthdays and then on the 8th my brother Kyle is coming for a visit. This is his first experience with flying and his first visit to NC. I'm excited!

And in conclusion of this blog entry Sir Henry would like to say, "Look at me! I am 5 months old on Saturday. Err, well, really it would be Sunday the 29th but since there is no 29th this month we're going with Saturday. My new hobby is rolling over to my tummy and crying within 5 minutes of tummy time because I forgot how to roll from tummy to back, even though that's what I did first. I'll figure it out. Oh and Mom made me sweet potatoes the other day and I hated them, which is odd because I LOVE Gerber's sweet potatoes. Go figure."

Needed: Mommy Advice

The following is a very minor problem I've been having with Henry of which I am seeking some help. This situation or any actions in this blurb is not meant to isolate or judge anything you've tried or will try with your child. We don't co-sleep in our house not because I think there is anything wrong with that, it just doesn't work for my family. If it works for you and yours, great - it's a very beautiful thing! :)


It all started on one particularly hard day in November with Henry. We'd been so diligent about him sleeping in his crib and he was doing an excellent job with his night sleepings being so young and all, everything was going fine, except, we let him nap in his ::gasp:: swing or Boppy in the living room with us during the day.

Not such a big deal or anything to worry about when your baby is that small. They don't move too much, when they sleep they're pretty much out cold..

But I pretty much got a big head and decided that sleeping in the living room of a loud house was just not going to do at all. So we started the daily battle of the naps. I'd rock him, lay him down in his crib, he's panic and cry. Or he'd last 10 minutes or so before he'd wail. Being too young to "cry it out" (which I'm still not a big fan of..or not completely educated on, not sure) I'd have to go back in there, pick him up, soothe, leave, he'd cry, I'd return, repeat.

I'll admit, I got really lazy with it. One day I pretty much said screw it and let him sleep out in his swing (or on a quilt on the floor, or in his Boppy on the floor). I mean, I guess I thought I didn't want to mess up a good thing, which is his night time sleep and I was afraid he'd develop an aversion to his crib in the day.

So for right now I have an almost 5 month old that takes 3 (1) hour naps a day IN THE LIVING ROOM. Not too big of a deal, but I am a little worried. Because what's going to happen when he's a year old, completely mobile, I'm ready to pull my hair out and I can't get him to sleep in his room during the day for a much needed Mommy break? Plus he's getting too big for the swing and the Boppy...

Ugh, I just don't know what to do. And it's not that it's that big of a deal but it's my first "new Mommy mistake" I feel like I've made.

Does anyone have any advice for me on this or been in a similar situation with their child(ren)? Any help would be appreciated.

Up and the Tallness

I am so very thankful. It's been 3 days since I cried or had an emotional outbreak. I am feeling so, so much better.

Internet friends are a great thing. In a way it's free therapy. They don't really know me, I don't really know them yet we share a common passion, writing. So thank you.

Everything is going pretty well except for this stomach bug that's going around. I really did go out and buy a whole boat-load of disinfectant wipes and cleaners today. I usually buy non-antibacterial cleaners but um, I'm scared and I don't want to get sick. Everyone I know has had this bug over the past 3 weeks and it's in our house right now. I won't get into too many details but yes, telehubby has it.

Blah.

Although I have enjoyed him at home the past two days. He's been working from home.

Henry's doing awesome! We have our 4/5 month appointment tomorrow. He's so interactive these days, busy developing his personality. It cracks me up that he turns into a hoot-owl every time we break out the camera. He's so mezmerized by it's sleek, red finish and flashing buttons and lights. As a result every picture is of him staring wide-eyed at the camera. I have one smiley photo I'll share with you.





He's really growing big and into Hank the Tank. I don't know why this surprises me, seeing how I come from a line of tall people and tele-hubby does too. Henry is 27.5 inches right now. TALL FOR A BABY. The other day I put a pair of 6 month pants on him that fit him in the waist but are sorta capri-ish on him now. I laughed and said, “Well. Welcome to a life of never finding pants or shirts that are long enough, Henry.

Yeppers.

Best baby advice:

Who cares about folding baby clothes? They don't get wrinkled, they are only on them for 4 hours until they barf, pee, poop or spit on them so save yourself the 10 minutes it takes to fold teeny tiny chinos, cardigans and onesies and get a fresh breath of air.

This was advice my girlfriend Alicia gave me. Well, not sure if I really "got" advice from her but it was something she told me when we were hanging out in her then 9 month olds room. It's very logical and sensible to me. I mean, hell, I don't even fold my clothes properly. Frankly, I don't give a fiddle if my undies or bras are in a jumble.

Thing I have noticed that is 9 times out of 10 times true for me:

If something is going to fall of the counter onto the floor it will either A.) fall on my toes or B.) fall into a bowl or puddle of something liquid. If the said item is sharp or blunt the chances are 9.5 times out of 10 that it will fall or puncture my toes.

That's all I got today.

"Amusing"

Today during my travels I came across the mother of all flashing signs profusely using quotation marks. People, don't abuse the quotation marks!

So the sign at the Farmers Market said;

"Eggs"! "Rabbis" <---I assume they meant Rabbits
"Hand Made Soap" - what? That's sketchy.

"Crafts"; like WITCH craft? That kind of craft? Or like Martha Stuart crafts?

And don't you know everytime I go off about quotation marks I think of poor Chris Farley, flailing his chunky arms around with gusto on this skit:

maybe I'm not "the norm". I'm not "camera friendly", I don't "wear clothes that fit me", I'm not a "heartbreaker", I haven't had "sex with a woman", I don't know "how that works", I don't "fall in line", I'm not "hygienic", I don't "wipe properly", I lack "style", I don't have "self-esteem", I have no "charisma", I don't "own a toothbrush", I don't "let my scabs heal", I can't "reach all the parts of my body", when I sleep I sweat profusely

And it cracks me up that something that people use essentially to make themselves appear "smart" makes them appear "dumb"

I "love" it.

The Weekend

This is the house we stayed in at Lake Gaston, NC
Baby guy slept in the bathroom. Oh yea, that's right: It worked the best - away from all the late night noise and this bathroom was attached to momma and daddy's room, so no big deal

This is the happy family on vacation together for the first time (besides family visits)
This is Henry figuring out he can pull Daddy's glasses off:





All and all it was a great time. I have such a great group of friends. Blessed be.

Bobby Jones

Bobby Jones stops by the house every couple of weeks to see if we need any work done around the house. He drives a sky blue beat up Nissan pick up truck from the 80's with an orange ladder in the back. He's got his brother in the cab with him, but he "don't talk much". Real nice guy. Life has been hard on him, you can tell by the leathery skin, rough voice and patchy clothes.

I have a real soft spot in my heart for people like this. Hard working men and women trying to make a decent, honest dollar the right way. So we pay him and his silent brother to clean out our gutters, rake the leaves, etc.

Today it's cold and raining outside and I heard his truck pull up. I met him at the door as to avoid the shrill pitch of the doorbell, which he always rings, as to not wake my baby up.

I greet him with a "Hello, sir!" and he smiled his toothless smile. Told him we didn't have any work for him this weekend (which was not a lie, leaves are raked, gutters are cleaned, and I'm broke). Asked him to come around next weekend, hopefully he can do something for us then. I can tell by the expression on his face it has not been a good day for work and it literally breaks my heart. He asks me if I know anyone else in the neighborhood that needs some work done and I have to tell him no again. Then I smile and tell him to have a good day.

I don't know him or really anything about him. I don't know why he doesn't have a "real" job or what he uses his money on or if he files taxes. It's none of my business really.

All I know is that he works hard, earns an honest dollar and he earns my respect.

One Blurb

Describe the most interesting thing that happened to you today in three sentences or less:

I saw two squirrels mating outside. That was weird and kind of disturbing. Fuck the groundhog, if that's not a sign of spring I don't know what is.

Ruts suck

This is a post about my depression that I've been working on for...hmmm, ever.

I am beginning to feel better, not as anxiety ridden. I am taking a newer antidepressant and we're (me, Alan and Dr.) hoping it helps me. I've been on it for almost 3 weeks now. So far, so good. No nasty side effects that I know of. I'm sleeping fairly well and not participating in any self destructive behaviors, so all of this is good.

But...

For some reason the evenings bring me such anxiety. As soon as 5pm rolls around I feel so nervous, hyper and agitated. My heart starts beating fast, I can't finish anything I start, I obsessively check the locks on the doors...I don't know how to describe it other than I feel scared. I get those tingly, non fun butterflies in my tummy. I just get so lonely. Lately I've been reading to Henry and going through flashcards with him at this time to kind of calm myself and concentrate on being a parent, but it's hard.

Then when 8pm rolls around and Henry is pretty much in bed for the night I really get nervous. No amount of breath can calm me and then the tears start. I beat myself up for not being happy. I feel so guilty that I feel this way, I mean, what is wrong with me?!? I have everything I want in the world.

Then Alan comes home and I feel better. Then we go to bed...

And repeat.

Tooth and Nail

Now that my hair is falling out by the handful I am getting antsy and want to cut it off or something. I'm not sure, but I need to do something. Any suggestions?

Here is a pic of me recently with Babyguy:



I have a nagging wisdom tooth (just one!) that's been coming in for over 4 years now on my upper right side and yesterday and today it really hurts. I should get it removed. I used to think that wisdom teeth removal was a totally unncessesary operation invented by cruel dentists to make money. I used to go on and on about it until I started getting my first wisdom tooth in and realized why they remove them. They hurt. Bad. It's still not enough for me to take immediate action though...not yet. When did your wisdom teeth start coming in? I've always been a late bloomer on everything. I only have one coming in and I'm 28. My g/f Alicia is a couple years younger than me and she also has her first tooth coming in.

Okay, boring. Talking about teeth. Sorry to put you through that.

Shadows

Day 3 of being in the house and I'm about to blow.

It's not so much that anyone in particular is irritating me. I'm just bored.

Last night I researched becoming a Roller Girl or taking a boxing class. I'd love to do something that would allow me to get some anger and aggression out. I didn't find anything about the Roller Girls but I did find some boxing classes. I just now asked Alan about it and he cracked up and said "Baby! What in the world has gotten into you?!?". So I guess he thinks it's ridiculous but I don't care. I think it would be good for me. Whatever. It'll probably never come to happen but it's fun to think about.

This week I plan on hitting up some thrift stores with my friend Alicia. I haven't been in forever so I'm not sure what I am expecting. I'd like to find some baby clothes for Henry and maybe a bowl or something for our junk food we keep on the counter.

This weekend we're going to Lake Gaston (NC/VA border) and we've rented a lake house to stay in. It should be a lot of fun to catch up with friends who I haven't really hung out with in FOREVER now. We'll be there for 3 nights and 4 days which means I'll be packing a ton of stuff because we're bringing the baby. But it'll be fun.