Local SAHM Makes Horrifying Dinner

I made dinner into an uber disaster

I'm not sure I loathe cooking, enjoy it, or just do it because it's a necessity. One thing is for sure, I'm not that great at it.

I cannot follow a recipe unless it's baking a cake or something. I always have to tweak, add, modify, slice where there is to be

shreds, shred where there are supposed to be wholes. More often than not my creations are works of culinary art. No, just

kidding...not art, but passable as food which is the most important part. Right?

Well, I got real creative today and created this horrible monstrosity of a dinner. What started off as crock pot porkchops in a chicken bullion and mushroom soup base turned into that - AND MORE. I thought to myself, "lookee here, I have an envelope of dry vegetable soup mix, and OH! Dry ranch mix, that's always yummy in a crock pot dish...hmm, shall I add fresh mushrooms? Sure, why the hell not?!?"

So I've had the super slow cooker recipe in the crock pot all day...cooking, and simmering, bubbling and steaming and fooling me with delicious scents wafting from the kitchen.

It's almost time for Alan to get home so I'm thinking I should wrap up the dish and be all June Cleaver (note, I originally typed DORIS Cleaver).

Well hell. I'm not sure why I made so much broth type like soup stuff. Ugh, it's gross, salty and thin. I add instant mashed potatoes thinking it'll thicken up and I can make some type of gravy type thing. I add half the box before it's decided that I better come up with another plan. Now I have a gross, salty, thin, artificial mashed potato slop on my hands.

So I think, "Macaroni! Macaroni makes everything better! Maybe I can pull the pork chops out, add macaroni and make a pork mac like chili mac but better! Yes, that's what I'll do."

I make myself eat a couple of spoon fulls of the over pleasing broth and finally decide that there is nothing I can do to make this better. Scratch the pork mac, I'm making vegetable pasta salad to have with the pork chops (which are actually yummy!). Veggie pasta salad is like one of the only dishes I can make right every time. Except I have no vegetables except peppers and frozen peas.

Are you thinking what I'm thinking?!?

Pepper frozen pea pasta salad!

::hurl::

Poor Alan.