This is a post about my depression that I've been working on for...hmmm, ever.
I am beginning to feel better, not as anxiety ridden. I am taking a newer antidepressant and we're (me, Alan and Dr.) hoping it helps me. I've been on it for almost 3 weeks now. So far, so good. No nasty side effects that I know of. I'm sleeping fairly well and not participating in any self destructive behaviors, so all of this is good.
For some reason the evenings bring me such anxiety. As soon as 5pm rolls around I feel so nervous, hyper and agitated. My heart starts beating fast, I can't finish anything I start, I obsessively check the locks on the doors...I don't know how to describe it other than I feel scared. I get those tingly, non fun butterflies in my tummy. I just get so lonely. Lately I've been reading to Henry and going through flashcards with him at this time to kind of calm myself and concentrate on being a parent, but it's hard.
Then when 8pm rolls around and Henry is pretty much in bed for the night I really get nervous. No amount of breath can calm me and then the tears start. I beat myself up for not being happy. I feel so guilty that I feel this way, I mean, what is wrong with me?!? I have everything I want in the world.
Then Alan comes home and I feel better. Then we go to bed...