So for the last few weeks I've reclaimed bits and pieces of myself here and there and am slowly becoming Andrea AND Mom again instead of just Mom the housewife.
It was all sparked by buying a new diaper bag. When I was pregnant I felt like (for whatever reason)I had to become practical and practical to me in a way, meant losing part of my style, sarcasm, beauty and self worth. In other words I had to become perfect, or what I perceived was perfect and just how I should act.
Ah yes, back to the diaper bag. I had this great simple black diaper bag which I really wanted and loved and was gifted with it.
But it was black. I also love handbags and dainty, but trendy, loud patterns. The black diaper bag wasn't me.
And I carried this bag around for 7 weeks pretending to be Donna Reed and then it was just like I woke up when I saw this HUGE Kathy Van Veeland zebra striped purse with pink satin lining. It just screamed at me that it was to be mine. It wasn't exactly practical or conservative, but then again I was just pretending to be that way.
Now I feel like myself again. I also feel something called ambition which I've had so little of the past 3 years. So last night in my insomnia haze I started filling out a FAFSA application. It's my goal to start college in Fall of 2010. Even if it's just a class a semester to start out. But I'm going to do it and I'm going to live up to my potential and feel good and feel proud about myself once again.
The best part is I have a husband, family and friends who'll support me and be positive influences in my life. It's your job to encourage me to do this, otherwise I fall back into the self loathing cycle I've repeated over and over my whole life.
So help me, friends, and encourage me and keep me engaged in this ambition of mine so that it's not short lived.
P.S. In no ways do I feel that being a Mother, stay at home wife, stay at home mother or martian from another world are less important or self satisfying that any other life style choice. At all, no way. This is the hardest work I've ever done! It's all about finding your personal niche. For me I think my niche may be being a Mother, Wife, Friend, Daughter, Woman and have a career, also.