Thursday, December 10, 2009

Dirty Airs

So many things to share that just shouldn't be shared. So many mean things I'd like to say in the spirit of being mean. I'm really not a horrible person, I just go through violent bursts of negative energy then dive in deep to see why I really felt that way and often by that time I'm ready to write about it.

One thing my mother told me about writing is "Be prepared to piss people off. And that's okay. You just may want to give them fair warning or such.

But I'm like chasing this pipe dream of writing a book to get rich. That's right, I don't want to make a difference in the word by this work, I just want money. I feel a calling. Not like a Jesus or God calling..but a calling none the less.

This week I'm having one of those days where everyday I am a day ahead. Example: Today is Thursday. I think it's Friday. It's a sign of slowly going insane....days are long, idle hands, scary things.

I'm wearing my lingerie around the house (after Henry went to bed) because my husband isn't ever home and I want to wear it so g-damn it I will. What a have a beautiful wife at home dressed all pretty and ain't nothing to do about it. But I do feel pretty, so I guess it's something. I hope that wasn't TMI.

Just feel kind of sad, and torn. Success is a wonderful thing but at what price? Is it worth the price of not seeing your infant son go to bed every night? Apparently so in this family.

I will adapt.

Or explode.

What do YOU think?


Miche said...

I understand how you feel, (trust me, Bill is never able to be home) BUT on the flip side, understand it is crazy hard on Alan, too. You have your job at home, but Alan has all the stress of taking care of everyone-thus the working as hard as he does. What would happen to you guys if he didn't? When you are frustrated with his work schedule, just remember he would rather be home, too, and that he has an incredible amount of stress on him to provide for all three of you.

And any night you know he will be gone crazy late, feel free to have a sleep over here :) We could stay up watching girly movies while the guys are away. :) Lots of hugs you you. I know it is hard.

Karen Bodie said...

Awww, hang in there. What ever happened to the 9-5 work day? Not happening around here, either... I consider it a good day around here if we even have dinner together, even if it is at 10 or 11 at night.

Anwesha said...

I think Michelle is right, Alan is working very hard.Of course,it feels bad to not see him often,as much as you would want to.And it will feel bad,but I think one of the thins to do is to have some weekends just for you three and no one else.I know it is easy saying,everyone's life has gotten busier and life always keeps you on your toes.I just hope that the pressure at his work reduces and you feel better sweety.