Tuesday, December 8, 2009

Ello, ello, ello, ay-ay-ay-ay-ay ay

I've gotten to that point today where I just hate people.

Hey person in the MIDDLE OF THE AISLE at Walmart. The world is not your fucking oyster. MOVE.

Guess what? Sometimes in parking lots to help traffic flow they create something called a ONE WAY STREET. This means that you can

only go down it ONE WAY. That doesn't mean that just because you see a parking space that's 1/4 of the way closer to the store do

you get to drive down it THE WRONG WAY to get it. That's right. You have a 50/50 chance of doing this one thing correct and you

couldn't do it. And I saw you and I'm sure I swore at you. FUCKTARD.

God. Christmas time brings out the worse in me. I don't know if it's because it brings out the mole people to go shopping and

they don't know how to act in stores and parking lots or what. But I'm truly an angry person in public these days. Of course

you'd never know it because I internalize it all.

So healthy!!

Today at Kohls Henry had his first ancient person encounter. This sweet lil old lady was at least 80 if she was a day and she kept saying, "oohhhh, look at him! That's a MAN! He doesn't look like a baby girl at all. You know how some babies look like they could be a boy or girl? Oh no, not him. He's so sweet! An angel. Look at those little eyebrows coming in...." And on and on she went. Which was really flattering until it looked like she was going to touch him and then I went all Mama Bear and snatched my stroller out of her ancient claws ways. Nothing personal, it's just flu season ya know? So she was really sweet and we talked for a good 10 minutes. She was making such a fuss about Henry that other patrons came over to glance at him which made me a little
nervous. I mean I had the senior citizens club of Cary huddled around my baby and I it was getting a little warm in there.

Speaking of that. I am hot. All the time. The high here today was 49 and that's really cold to people round here. Everyone has coats and mittens on and I'm walking around in a long sleeved tee shirt. Sweating. Why am I sweating? Because carrying Henry around in his baby bucket (car seat carrier) is heavy! Plus my diaper bag has a good 15lbs of baby gear in it. When I get home
from wherever we go for the day I usually take off my shirt, stand in front of a fan and cool off in my under cami for a while. Even if the high only is 49 for the day. I wasn't this bad before I was pregnant either. Maybe my hormones are settling...

I'm moody. Angry. Touchy. I have "issues". Wanting to feel level again and hoping to even out soon. My poor, poor husband. I never take it out on Henry though, he always makes me happy. I find myself singing made up songs to him and he smiles so big. It just brings me back to earth.

I think this looks like a lot of fun but the feminist in me wants to deny it. What do you think?


Jax said...

Hey person in the MIDDLE OF THE AISLE at Walmart. The world is not your fucking oyster. MOVE.

hahahahah! That is the best thing I've read in a very.long.time.. Thank you for making me laugh today.. I needed it, girly..

I feel like the holidays create pressure to be full of good cheer all the freaking time.. and newsflash, but I'm not. at least not all the time. haha.. And when I'm at walmart, definitely not in good cheer. At all.


Anonymous said...

One, I want to incorporate 'fucktard' into my vocabulary more often. Two, I love the name Henry.