Stranger to my own blog

It has been a while and a half, huh?

I guess moving to a new city and having a toddler will do that to you.

Plus, I've kind of just lost interest in writing a blog. But I am interested in reading all about everyone else and their fabulous/tumultuous/fun filled lives!

See, what happened was I got an Iphone. And I'm on it constantly. It's made my broken down lap top converted desktop kind of a pain in the ass.

Plus basically everyone on here knows me on Facebook where I am REAL GOOD about updating every ten minutes. (fb and twitter addict, hello).

So, if you are interested in keeping up with me there and are not already, drop me a line. I'd be happy to add you.

Life's a journey, why not shout the whole ride? <----my semi new motto.

I'm not saying I'm closing down my blog but you've probably already lost interest in visiting this site, so I don't want to leave anyone hanging. You know, because my life is SOOOOO exciting.

Two Bath Kind of Day

When Henry has a "bad" day, you know, cranky, teething, non-stop crying I'll refer to it as a two bath kind of day. What this means is that the day has been so slow moving and trying that he takes two baths because it's the only thing that will make him stop being so irritable. He loves the bath and any type of water and if that makes him happy, well, no harm at all being extra clean!

Today I am feeling like I need two baths because it's so hot and gross outside. We're not getting the heat wave as bad as my friends and family in Tulsa but it's 103 outside right now.

My Grandmother in law and I went thrift store shopping today up in St. Charles. We got a dining room table and a retro lamp for under $50. AWESOME. Since we moved we gave up all of our furniture except our beds (and Henry's nursery furniture). Which wasn't really that much in all actuality. So right now we have no where to sit but our bed and I'm not really complaining. I think it's all part of the adventure and it's kind of like starting over again. Only this time I know what I really want or need. I want to live a new sort of home life here with a minimum amount of STUFF.

This grocery store by our house is OFF THE HOOK. There's a cooking school, pizza shoppe, cafe, coffee shop, deli and a massive bakery in it. I love it so much and I know I've mentioned it several times so I'm sure it's annoying but I cannot wait to show it off to my Mom and Stepdad when they come next weekend.

I'm really blogging again!

Blah blah blah, I've moved to St. Louis,
blah blah blah,
wait.
What?
Yeah.

I know I haven't written in my blog for like, a year or some bunch but I think it's because every time I want to blog I think I need to lay everything out that has happened to me and my family in chronological order as it happened and the monstrosity of a project like that feels very intimidating to me. Kind of like catching up on a series of TV shows or dishes. Whatever you relate to more. :)

I'd like to pull the notebook sheet off my proverbial life notebook and start from scratch and backlog my adventures of traveling, moving, leaving good good great good friends and networks and just start fresh just like my real life is right now.

Is everyone okay with that? Are we all on the, ahem, same PAGE? Aahahahaha. I'm so punny.

Yeah.

So, here we are in the Midwest! I'm loving so many things about this place that I never really thought about. I live in a little suburb of STL that's really cute and not far enough away to lose its metropolitan flair. I'm living in an older house (to me, to me!) which has been very interesting and fun to experience. I think. It's not even really THAT old, but it's was built in 1946 which makes it the oldest house I've ever lived in. I can't wait until our budget allows for us to decorate it. (we're renting for the time being).

Henry is doing really well! He's 10 months old now and we're working on walking because let me tell you, carrying him around all day is killing my shoulders and back. He's very strong also which is no fun when he doesn't want to be held. More on him later.

Alan really likes his new job.

Andrea (ME!) is learning to go with the flow and be happy again. Seriously, I am feeling happy and relaxed and enjoying life more. "So what?!?" is my new mental head motto which is working for me right now.

Anyway, I am so glad to be back on the "scene" and get things rolling again.

Here are some pictures of Henry and the new house because, honestly, who wants to see pictures of Alan and I?!? ;)

15 Mins to think of a title, only to choose this

Busy.

In the past 8 weeks we have, as a family, gone through, enjoyed, and stressed the following things in order:

• Went to Saint Louis for a family visit (sis in law, bro in law & adorable nephew).
• Wished telehubby good luck on an important job interview
• returned back to Raleigh
• found out telehubby got job, yay! Relocation is awesome, closer to family on both sides
• had break down number one when I realized that moving from RDU to STL meant saying goodbye to my good friends in the RDU area
• got excited that I would be closer to Tulsa friends!
  
• couldn't tell RDU friends about move; hubby work related, complicated....
• went on vacation to Oak Island, NC for a week. Yay! Fun! It was awesome, a little chaotic with 3 boys under 18 months in the house. Henry slept in one of the bathrooms (in his pack and play of course, and no, I am NOT joking. He loved it.
• Discovered Henry loves the water. Since I was on the swim team in High School I experienced my first hope that my son would inherit something other than my sense of humor, my talent for swimming and love of the water
• Returned from beach and started operation clean and get rid of items in the house
• Shared the news with Raleigh friends that we had to move, sad, sad.
• Had second break down when I thought of all that had to be done that I hadn't thought of before...discussed renting vs selling our RDU home. We're renting it out for the time.
• My Mom arrived from Tulsa for a previously planned vacation on her part to help me with Henry while we packed and ran around the house like chickens on speed.
• Since we do not have a home yet in STL we decided that I would stay with my parents for a couple weeks while Alan started his new job and found a rental home for us in STL. This meant that I would need to drive, with my baby boy, an 18 hr drive through 3 states.
• Panic!!!
• Bought new car seat for road trip
• Packed enough clothes for 2 weeks for myself and Henry. Had to make it compact enough to fit in a VW Rabbit, plus Mom's luggage, pack and play (portable crib) and a stroller. Seriously like playing Tetris to get it all in there. Discovered Henry is a great traveler! Hotel for 2 nights, drove 3 days. It worked out perfect.
  
• Arrived in Tulsa.
• Started experiencing breakout symptoms of BPPV that are making me irritable, drugged out from nausea medicine and paranoid. Why paranoid? Because I am afraid I will fall with a baby in my arms. Or people are going to think I am drunk because of the slurring of occasional words and walking sideways.
  

We're all just a little exhausted of course. Thankful to be here with no problems and happy to have this adventure as a memory. We are hanging out here until we have word on a home in STL. Telehubby is staying at an hotel/apartment place. It sucks being apart and not knowing what's going on exactly. Could be much worse though.

Dear Henry on the 8th Month

Oh Henry...

This little boy is growing so fast,

Saying Maa-maa or Mum or Mom more and more often and sometimes with purpose and not just a babble you make.

Henry,

You are a master crawler and you crawl with the uptmost speed, even faster if I crawl behind you threatening to tickle your chunky little legs.

You squeeeeeeel with delight and your awws and oooohs are even more cute now that I think you've figured out how to control the volume.

When you are mad you'll kick your legs and sometimes (to our delight!!) you'll say, "Nine nine NINE NINE NINE NINE!!!!" It's really hilarious, my little german.

You were born here in Raleigh, NC but you'll be one of those kids that will be growing up in a different place than you were born. I never was one of those kids. I lived in the same place my entire life until I moved to Raleigh...funny, huh?

Your eighth month has been joyfully stressful: Your Uncle John and Grandma and Grandpa Pautsch take off for India this Sunday (6/20/10) to meet your soon to be official Aunt Anwesha! We'll let you call her Aunt Weezy if you want to, When they get back next weekend we'll be gone. Daddy got a new job in St, Louis, MO. You, I and Nana-Jana will be in Tulsa while Daddy heads straight to Saint Louis to find us a home to rent. It'll be a good time to catch up and visit some of our OK family and friends.

This weekend will be our last one amongst our NC family of friends. I hope we get to see them all. They all love and adore you. One day I'm sure they'll tell stories about Mom & Dad that you won't want to hear. You know, shenanigans.

Either way you are growing most excellently, your sense of humor gets keener every day, and I swear your hair is growing a fourth an inch a day. To cut or not to cut?!?

I love you little boy and I'll never take that for granted.

The 8th Month

Oh Henry...

This little boy is growing so fast,

Saying Maa-maa or Mum or Mom more and more often and sometimes with purpose and not just a babble you make.

Henry,

You are a master crawler and you crawl with the utmost speed, even faster if I crawl behind you threatening to tickle your chunky little legs.

You squeeeeeeel with delight and your awws and oooohs are even more cute now that I think you've figured out how to control the volume.

When you are mad you'll kick your legs and sometimes (to our delight!!) you'll say, "Nine nine NINE NINE NINE NINE!!!!" It's really hilarious, my little german.

You were born here in Raleigh, NC but you'll be one of those kids that will be growing up in a different place than you were born. I never was one of those kids. I lived in the same place my entire life until I moved to Raleigh...funny, huh?

Your eighth month has been joyfully stressful: Daddy got a new job in St, Louis, MO.Your Uncle John and Grandma and Grandpa Pautsch take off for India this Sunday (6/20/10) to meet your soon to be official Aunt Anwesha! We'll let you call her Aunt Weezy if you want to, When they get back next weekend we'll be gone. . You, I and -Jana will be in Tulsa while Daddy heads straight to Saint Louis to find us a home to rent. It'll be a good time to catch up and visit some of our OK family and friends.

This weekend will be our last one amongst our NC family of friends. I hope we get to see them all. They all love and adore you. One day I'm sure they'll tell stories about Mom & Dad that you won't want to hear. You know, shenanigans.

Either way you are growing most excellently, your sense of humor gets keener every day, and I swear your hair is growing a fourth an inch a day. To cut or not to cut?!?

I love you little boy and I'll never take that forgranted.

Moving to the STL!

Moving On

I have news. Big news.

It's been almost 6 years. 6 years since I left "home" and moved down South to take a chance. I took a chance and put a lot on the line and it paid off. I've grown up so much. Made a lot of memories, met some of the best people, made wonderful family-like-always friends, got married, had a baby, saw friends get married and have babies, etc. Memories and stories that will never get old or tired of telling.

What happened? Life happened. Family happened.

It's all good.

We're moving back west. We're moving to Saint Louis, MO. Wow, huh?

It's a long story but my husband pretty much landed his dream job and I am so proud of him. The company is moving us and we'll be moving fast. His first day is the 28th of this month. I've had to be very quiet about this news and I'm happy and sad to share it. It's been really hard not to tell our friends until the last moment but it was a little bit out of our control. Luckily, everyone understands for the most part.

Right now we're in Oak Island, NC at the beach with Alan's family for a family vacation. When we get back to Raleigh we'll have like, 2 weeks to get everything done, organized and taken care of. Needless to say, it's going to be busy and crazy...and sad. :(

So if I'm quiet that's why. It's so hard to say goodbye and it brings up a lot of memories of leaving Tulsa and moving here to NC. I never thought I'd be so lucky to make such wonderful friends and here I am, better for knowing and learning and now moving on to learn and love more in a different place.

I'll really miss it here...and we'll definetely be back for visits. There's still the house to sell, half the family, friends, etc. This will always be where Henry was born, where we bought our first house and where we got married (in the house!). It'll never be the same, but it will be.

Got some dirt on my shoulders could you brush it off for me?

I don't know why I got this thought that life was equal and just. Or that if it wasn't equal and just that I could MAKE it equal and just, or at least enforce it in my life. I feel as if I've done a pretty good job, that was until I had children. This is not a dig on my husband, just an emphisis on how self sacraficing mothers are/become/will be.

I used to have such an active social life. I had dinners, events, parties, etc. Granted most of them involved alcohol and celebration, it was still a party, a gathering of people I knew and loved. We got together, we drank, we ate. We were merry and made joy. coversations flowed and I was challenged in mind.

I was not a drone. Not a wallflower. I was an individual person with individual ideas. I made people laugh, I laughed at other people. We conversated about current events, personal dramas, food, fashion, politics, etc. I was smart at one point.

Now I just feel like I'm sucking oxygen up in an already over populated world. A waste of space. A drone.

Don't cue the violins. I don't expect nor care if I garner any sympathy. My favorite thought of the moment is, "it is what it is".

I feel like a jerk. I'm a stay at home Mom and I should be counting my blessings that I am blessed enough to be able to stay at home and enjoy the day with my son. I do enjoy it...I'm just bored. I'm bored and jaded. I miss working. You know, the whole "the grass is greener on the other side" thing? I'm having a hard time with it. I really do think the grass is greener on the other side and I wanna lay on that.

I want to go out after work with friends and have a few drinks. I want to drive home after having one glass of wine without feeling completely guilty. I want to be Andrea.

This Mother role is hard. The hardest role I've ever played. I have to be completely self sacrificing, put others before me 24/7, be happy when I could give a shit and do fucking housework on top of it. Quite frankly, it's a crappy gig. And it never, ever, ever, ever ends.

The rewards are great and I love my son; please if you ever doubt anything about me, don't ever doubt that. I also have no doubt that I'm a good mother and a good wife.

But like I said I am bored, my brain is dead and I just want to scream to my husband, "It's NOT FAIR!!!!!".

P.S. This is an honest to God conversation in my mind. If you are offended or can't handle it, blow off.

Laundry and Crawling

HOLY SHIT. I FINALLY CAUGHT OUR LAUNDRY UP.

That's the accomplishment today. For a week I have been trying to tackle this never ending laundry battle of all sorts of evil socks, burp cloths, underwear, blankets, never ending.

This girl has now decided to SORT laundry now which I've never done before in my life, but now I must concede and submit. Sorting laundry, never thought I'd do that. Never thought I'd write a blog about laundry or get excited about it but such is my life now. Different, fun. Like reading about it seems lame but it's not because it's an a BATTLE and I will WIN.

For the record I will still not IRON.

Why am I using all these CAPS? I just it's because when you read it just imagine me being EXTRA DRAMATIC when I SAY the CAPITALIZED words. I am not yelling, just being dramatic.

My life has taken a turn. Henry has learned to crawl and he gets faster every day. It's so much fun but like with all other developmental wins with a baby it's exhausting for parents. Takes a while to get into the groove and then he'll be walking and we'll get used to that and so on and so on. I'm not complaining.

On top of that Hank the Tank has a tummy virus which means lots of diaper changes and wrestling matches when we change the diaper.

And in closing here is a link of my baby crawling...awww. :) Tank crawl.

Drogging

Drogging (drunk blogging) makes for a stupid blog, like my last entry. Yeah, I thought I was being all profound and shit.

:)

Lots going on right now.

I have a crawling baby boy. A happy baby boy and a very handsome baby boy. Who knew that little boys were so much fun? Every day I love him so much more. He has two little bottom teeth poking out when he smiles, which is all the time. Seriously, I have a very happy baby with a good sense of humor.

We got back from St. Louis a week ago and I haven't even got to think about the trip. But I do like Saint Louis (always have) and I love my family there. The architecture is to die for, if you're into that and apparently in my family I am the only one who is. I love all the little ginger bread houses and just the thought that a modern family lives in a home that someone lived in in the 18oo's. IT.AMAZES.ME. The doors are short, the ceilings are short, stairs are steep....so different. Seriously, I love it.

Here are a couple of pictures to share of Henry and his cousin while in STL:






P.S. I have to brag: I would like to announce that I am NOW 60lbs down from when I was pregnant. I gained 20lbs when I was pregnant so that makes it 40lbs of "real" weight I've lost AND I'm back to my same jeans size and weight I was from 6 years ago when I moved to Raleigh. I am proud of myself for once.

Hippyidy dip talk

Why can't we just be free to do the things we want to do, whether self destrictive or not, just to feel good, happy and numb.

Some vices are worse than others and some we just don't talk about at all, but they are there. In your classroom, neighborhood, living room.

Foods, drugs, alcohol, self gratification should be allowed. In moderation.

7 Months - what it looks like

What it is and how it goes in another post. Look how much he looks like his Daddy!

See ya in Saint Louie!

We're headed to Saint Louis tomorrow! I'm very excited. It's long overdue. Last time we planned a STL trip I had a bad time with Benign Paroxysmal Positional Vertigo and we had to call it off. Two years and three babies later (2 nephews and Henry!) here we come!

I have been wanting to write a blog about traveling with an infant for a long time. I just need to do it. I keep putting it off. Henry has been on 3 trips to OK, 6 if you count going and coming back, and I've learned a few things. This will be our fourth trip and most likely the most stressful as he's real squiggly right now. I'll have Alan with me though and this will help calm my nerves. Nothing stresses that man out, I'm telling ya'.

Today I'm doing the whole housewife thing, cleaning, laundry, etc. We'll go out later to pick up our traveling supplies (thank God for disposable formula bottles).

Oh, and on that note I also want to write a blog about my experiences with breastfeeding. I'm a little afraid to write it because I had such a hard time with my decision to stop so early and I want to be very respectful and supportive to all my pro-breastfeeding irl and bloggy friends. It just didn't work for us and 6 weeks was all I lasted. It was honestly the best (and the hardest) decision I ever made for Henry and I. Watch for that in the near future.

In My Room

I always wonder why it is that being alone in my bedroom is something I crave.

After a long day, if I have survived and everyone is fed and has all limbs attached

Well, my aching body...it just NEEDS to be alone. Blissfully alone, freedom.

No smiles.
No frowns.
No cries.

And now, no spit up or poop.

I don't ask for a lot. I realize that NOW I am not my own. I have to share myself with my family. People NEED things from me; company, laundry, love, hugs, laughs, tickles, but mainly, most importantly, love.

I give, give, give...

and enjoy.

But sometimes I just need 15 minutes of uninterrupted time without having to scrub cat barf off the floor, fold laundry, start the dishwasher, fix the toilet, etc. (The former mentioned was my previous attempt at "alone" time).

Now I have a hubby who is hands on with our son on all days but especially hands on for Monday nights which are MY nights. Where I lock myself in my room with a snack and watch Intervention while catching up on blogs and maybe even writing.

And for an hour or two I am MYself, all by MYself, and I am content in my solitude.

Selfish

This is a negative but none-fishing for compliments type blog entry in which I express my insides. Just thinking.

I do believe I am selfish

This is something I've been told time and time again.

"The world doesn't revolve around you, Andrea".

Lies.

In my head, it does.

It's not always a horrible thing. It's a folly. Part of my charm.

I don't know where or why it began. Also, being territorial comes along with the, um, well, territory of being selfish.

I really do not mean to be. I work hard hard hard at trying.

I try at a lot of things negative: selfishness, anger, temper, frustration.

I am a lot of these things wrapped into one.

(trying trying trying)


And yet I find people still love ME. It's hard to imagine that I am all of those things and yet somehow the good in me shines through and family and friends choose to like, love and want to be in my own company

I'm not bragging, just thinking.

Having a child has helped me immensely although this was never ever a fix all thought or wish by any means. We chose to have children to give after all. I love him so much.

My most selfish time of the day is evening when I cut out of living early and zone out sitting in bed reading and writing. I cherish this hour I have to myself. I crave it and depend on it and I am fiercely protective of my early bed time. I need that unwind time from pretending to NOT be selfish and angry and bitter all day.

To say I have issues is putting it lightly. Every one has issues though. Just some of us are more honest and vocal about themselves than other.

I don't beat up on myself anymore. I just choose to put it out there and work with it. It's definitely a defense mechanism. Pointing out your flaws before others point them out to you.

I just want to be me. The older I have gotten the more comfortable I am with myself in all aspects.

I just try and be realistic and most the time people don't want to hear that so I stifle my inner person or cover her up with a tiny giggle or smile or a nod of a head. It's more socially acceptable. I'm kind of reaching the point where I'm ready to break out again and just be Andrea. The girl that can be rude or abrupt but will always let you know what she thinks. All the while trying to maintain a little tact.

But I bet I'll make you smile or laugh or think along the way.

I'm Brunette

A few months ago I posted on Facebook about a plastic real life sized deer that was in the backyard of one of our neighbors. Their backyard faces a busier street in the 'hood so I assumed, being the city girl that I am, that it was a surveillance camera trying to catch speeders. I drove by that house very slow and carefully thinking I was pulling one over on "the man". "Ahhhh haaa", I thought. I'm on to you sneaky Garner Police!" When I received comments on Facebook I was embarrassed to learn that it was NOT a police camera but a hunting practice prop. So apparently people target practice on this plastic animal. Surveillance camera. Right...

So yesterday when I drove by Bambi's back yard I realized that she/he had been beheaded. Yes, the head was completely gone. Tis now but a headless animal to practice hunting on. WTF? GONE. I am baffled by what happened. I may need to take pictures.

Other stupid things I have done/said?

I once saw a cool tattoo on a guys arm at the bar. I asked a friend what the hell that symbol was, to which he replied, "It's an infinity symbol". I whispered back, "why would you get a car brand tattooed on your arm? Lame.".

I once cleaned out my fridge for the first time ever. Yes, you are reading that right. First time ever. When I was done and the fridge was bare I sprinkled Arm and Hammer baking soda in the fridge like Carpet Fresh. Then I called my mother asking her why anyone would do such a thing because now my fridge was all dirty again. Apparently you just need to put the whole BOX in the fridge.

I once stole a recipe from my Mom for a jalapeno corn casserole to take to my works Thanksgiving dinner. Well, she just TOLD me the recipe, nothing in writing. So the next day at work she asked me how the casserole went and how long I baked it. "Baked it?" Yeah. Didn't bake it. No one complained though.

There are lots of other stupid things I have done/said. I'm really not dumb, I swear.

The AC did done broke.

Today I am spring cleaning. Or whatever, just cleaning.

A lot of Henry's clothes that he's outgrown and have sentimental value are boxed and ready to go in the attic. The closet is clean and I think we're ready to start hanging his clothes instead of folding. In my mind hanging is easier than folding.

Our AC is broke right now and if this sounds like a rerun it's because it is. Last year it was "breaking" the whole spring/summer and now it is BROKE. I'll spare you the details but I threw a shit fit when we came home on Monday evening to an 85 degree house (94 outside). I think the insulation in our house SUCKS. Even with the windows open it only cooled down to 79 last night in the living room. So, after I through the shit fit I promptly went to Target to get a window unit and that's kept us cool for the last 3 days for the most part. I'm thankful that we're supposed to return to normal temps and it shouldn't be so bad the next week. Anyway, Friday the AC people are coming out to evaluate the situation and Wednesday is the installation day. There goes our tax refund and more! :) What can ya do, right?

That's what's going on at our house, what's going on at yours?

Poop

Guess what my kid's into these days?

Massive power dumps that leak up his back causing me to shriek, gag, run around like a mad woman preparing emergency baths, outfit changes and last minute laundry loads.

Haha. You thought I was going to say he's into stuffed animals or trains or something.

Poop.

Poop. That's right, this mini-blog was brought to you by the word poop. Everybody does it.

Local SAHM Makes Horrifying Dinner

I made dinner into an uber disaster

I'm not sure I loathe cooking, enjoy it, or just do it because it's a necessity. One thing is for sure, I'm not that great at it.

I cannot follow a recipe unless it's baking a cake or something. I always have to tweak, add, modify, slice where there is to be

shreds, shred where there are supposed to be wholes. More often than not my creations are works of culinary art. No, just

kidding...not art, but passable as food which is the most important part. Right?

Well, I got real creative today and created this horrible monstrosity of a dinner. What started off as crock pot porkchops in a chicken bullion and mushroom soup base turned into that - AND MORE. I thought to myself, "lookee here, I have an envelope of dry vegetable soup mix, and OH! Dry ranch mix, that's always yummy in a crock pot dish...hmm, shall I add fresh mushrooms? Sure, why the hell not?!?"

So I've had the super slow cooker recipe in the crock pot all day...cooking, and simmering, bubbling and steaming and fooling me with delicious scents wafting from the kitchen.

It's almost time for Alan to get home so I'm thinking I should wrap up the dish and be all June Cleaver (note, I originally typed DORIS Cleaver).

Well hell. I'm not sure why I made so much broth type like soup stuff. Ugh, it's gross, salty and thin. I add instant mashed potatoes thinking it'll thicken up and I can make some type of gravy type thing. I add half the box before it's decided that I better come up with another plan. Now I have a gross, salty, thin, artificial mashed potato slop on my hands.

So I think, "Macaroni! Macaroni makes everything better! Maybe I can pull the pork chops out, add macaroni and make a pork mac like chili mac but better! Yes, that's what I'll do."

I make myself eat a couple of spoon fulls of the over pleasing broth and finally decide that there is nothing I can do to make this better. Scratch the pork mac, I'm making vegetable pasta salad to have with the pork chops (which are actually yummy!). Veggie pasta salad is like one of the only dishes I can make right every time. Except I have no vegetables except peppers and frozen peas.

Are you thinking what I'm thinking?!?

Pepper frozen pea pasta salad!

::hurl::

Poor Alan.

6 Months - The Holy Grail of Baby-isms

Dear Hank the Tank,

Boy oh Boy have you grown and earned your nickname. You are BIG! Not rolls of cute baby fat big, but just um, large of stature. I don't have your 6 month stats yet as your 6 month check up isn't until the 15th of this month. But I will tell you that you're growing out of your 9 month sized clothes and moving on in to your 12 month onesies and sleepers.

You are the reason for so many things in my life. Happy reasons.

Your smile and laugh are delightful! You laugh all the time, even when you are tired. You whine a couple of times then laugh and repeat. Your new favorite social thing to do is "play-cough" to see if your adult buddy will repeat. Then you (and I) will go on and on laughing and coughing.

I swear you are saying Mammmm maaah when you are cranky and hungry. But it could be that I am hearing what I want to hear. I do that a lot.

Here are the milestones you are currently doing:
Eating solids (smushed up solids)
Eating bits and bobs of bread and cereals
starting to use a sippy-cup but get pissed off when it doesn't work for you
rolling over from front to back
attempting to crawl
sitting up (with pillows on all sides 'coz you tumble over sometimes
cry when I leave the room (sometimes)
getting more intelligent with your hand eye coordination
laughing until you get hiccups


And I'm sure I'm leaving some off...but that small list is not the point of this letter. The point is to tell you how much we love you and how honored we are to be your parents.

Everyone tells me what a happy baby you are and how joyful you are and it's the truth! I always tell your Daddy that you have a fan club wherever we go. People recognize and say hello to you at the grocery store I shop at and you always greet them with a smile.

**Blatant shout outs here** Quite the traveler, you have made 3 complete round air flights to see Nana-Jana, Pop, Uncle Kyle, Grampers and Grandma H, Great Mini Aunt Rose Ann, and cousin Melissa and Davis, and Aunt Meg, Kris and Uncle Kelly in Tulsa. Multiple car rides to Grandma and Grandpa P and Aunt Angela, Uncle Damian and Cousin Damian. And we're getting ready to fly to St. Louis to see your cousin Nathan and Aunt Jen and Uncle Chad. You are an excellent traveler and I love that we're able to take these trips. This summer you'll get to go to your first wedding (out of belly) when Uncle John and Aunt Weezy get married. Exciting!! You're extended family loves, adores and spoils you too.

I'm looking forward to and getting kind of nervous for the next few months as you become increasingly mobile. I'm sure it will be "fun" and exhausting. But that's okay. This is great - this parenting thing.

Love you for always for ever and ever for sure,

Mom

Tuesday Night Office Marathons Rule

I have a millions things to blog about, none of them relevant about my life right now, but just my life. However, I have found I have too many things to do during the day. Hellooooo teething baby with excessive drool.

Visit with Kyle was awesome. He left at 6:50am this. Remind me to have words with my stepfather for booking such an early flight (jk!)

We have a Wii....my life has not changed at all. I thought I was going to be impressed. I fucking hate video games. Always.

Taking better care of myself. I actually ate and drank water today. My new meds are kicking my ass. Dr. on Thursday. Down 12 pounds this month which is awesome, but it's not from healthy lifestyle.

I have a cute video to share of Henry laughing and me being a bossy-butt and I'll close with that today because it's perfect. Teekle-Teekle!

Kyler-Whyler

It's incredibly humbling that I'm getting to spend time with my brother, basically, getting to know him. That's right. I'm 28, he's 24 and we are just now getting acquainted. You see, we had issues while we were growing up and we did not like each other at all. I remember telling him several times that I wish I were an only child, that I hated him, why couldn't he just be "good" like me, or at least put on a good show. I have very few memories of Kyle growing up that were good. I was a monster, a monster child.

*please note, there is lots, lots more to the above paragraph but it's personal family stuff - unbloggable. *

But now I have this chance to see and enjoy this beautiful person he is. Like someone switched a light on in my head and it's enlightening. The fact that he even wants to talk to me is amazing to me after all the things and hurtful words I berated him with.

We share a lot of the same traits, we both have funny quirks and an off-beat sense of humor.

I'm so proud of him, to call him my brother. MY BROTHER. My brother who dropped out of High School, couch hopped for years, been homeless, lived at the 'Y' worked on a carnival traveling all over the place who just completed Job Corps and earned his GED and a trade in Electrical. He's an inspiration.

I've gotten my chance to make amends and apologize. He forgives me, said he was never carrying any of it around and it was just the way it was. I am so fortunate. I was carrying around that heavy guilt....but you know what? We are both different people now. We're no longer children. We can talk. We know how things were, we'll always share our childhood.

So here's to family, which I never really gave much thought to until I had my baby. How important the relationships are that we build when we are young. How important it is to hold on to the past - the good parts of the past.

I love you, Bub.

Tiny Feet

I have to admit I miss the absence on the nights that he is away, slaving away, writing some computer language or training some other nerdy-smart pants on how to do like the most impossible math problem in computer language ever, I am sure. I miss his body next to mine in bed even though his body temperature runs at least 10 more than mine and is like a hot water heater, even went not needed.

I miss him. I admire him. I love him.

But the the other side of the cool sheet is the interrupted sleep with no snores, which I also love. No sheet or blanket wars, no grumbling from me in the morning when his 5am alarm goes off and he keeps snoozing it. But then...no back scratches and snuggles. Boo.

I love him so, my strange giant. My rock. My boy friend who's been around since my teens and HA, we are married.

He's participated in given me the best gift from God of all, my Son, Henry. Every day it's more a joy to take care of him and he's so loved and social. I hope he keeps the social aspect. I was such a timid little girl to most (I know, imagine that!). But he is starting to recognize words and he thinks that every bottle is his. His tiny little hand grasped out to a beer I was drinking making me feel like a lush when I refused to give in to his whim. There's no reasoning with a tiny person at that point. Just sip sips when he looks the other way.

***********************************************************************************
My brother is here this week. We have a good relationship now, but it wasn't always so. I was horrible to him. In fact, I'd say I am just NOW getting to know and understand my brother. He's accomplished a lot these past years, things to be very proud of like getting his GED, getting a job, working at/with a traveling carnival. He's funny, he's smart, and Henry just loves him. So I am lucky to have this opportunity to get to know my brother more and for Henry to know him from the very beginning.

Cadillac Wack

I am turning off the TV more and listening to music more and more these days. Good behaviour. I realized I had a problem when I'd seen every Wife Swap show on WE. Wow, did I really just type that? My lameness meter went way, way, down low.

So in turning off the TV I'm doing more fun things, things I enjoy. I'm getting ready to make Henry's baby album and then move on to full on scrapbooking. Never scrap booked before but it seems like fun. With all the money I made scrap booking I plan on buying a sewing machine table. Wait, what? You don't make money scrapbooking? WTH. Oh well, I'll come up with a plan B.

Fellow music lovers please comment some of your new favorite bands. I'm into RAP/Hip Hop, pop, college music, some techno, rock, alta-rock, etc.

Are you laughing about the Rap/Hip Hop thing? Why? Cause I'm a SAHM who listens to TI while riding around home, what? That's what I thought. :)

Henry Eating - Me laughing (direct to youtube a kind of boring video, but I love it)

Bored

This winter can suck and blow it.

I'm late to the game seeing as February ends tomorrow but I'm stating for the record and repeating what the majority of people already know: February is the longest shortest month ever.

I haven't written because literally there's not much to report. Moods are good, baby is fun, hubby is home more (happy days!).

I haven't had a hair cut since September and it's in a permanent pony tail or french twist these days. This makes me want to cut my hair but the other side of me thinks it would be futile. I'd some how end up putting it in a pony tail anyway, especially since Henry's been reaching out and PULLING WITH SURPRISINGLY EXCESSIVE FORCE on my hair. So perhaps I'll go for a trim over the next couple of weeks but keep letting it grow. What do you guys think about some Bettie Page style bangs? On the other hand, maybe not....I dunno. Perhaps I should get another tattoo? I'm desperately trying to find some sort of something to do with myself.

Yard work this weekend, next weekend M-ville to see the inlaws & celebrate birthdays and then on the 8th my brother Kyle is coming for a visit. This is his first experience with flying and his first visit to NC. I'm excited!

And in conclusion of this blog entry Sir Henry would like to say, "Look at me! I am 5 months old on Saturday. Err, well, really it would be Sunday the 29th but since there is no 29th this month we're going with Saturday. My new hobby is rolling over to my tummy and crying within 5 minutes of tummy time because I forgot how to roll from tummy to back, even though that's what I did first. I'll figure it out. Oh and Mom made me sweet potatoes the other day and I hated them, which is odd because I LOVE Gerber's sweet potatoes. Go figure."

Needed: Mommy Advice

The following is a very minor problem I've been having with Henry of which I am seeking some help. This situation or any actions in this blurb is not meant to isolate or judge anything you've tried or will try with your child. We don't co-sleep in our house not because I think there is anything wrong with that, it just doesn't work for my family. If it works for you and yours, great - it's a very beautiful thing! :)


It all started on one particularly hard day in November with Henry. We'd been so diligent about him sleeping in his crib and he was doing an excellent job with his night sleepings being so young and all, everything was going fine, except, we let him nap in his ::gasp:: swing or Boppy in the living room with us during the day.

Not such a big deal or anything to worry about when your baby is that small. They don't move too much, when they sleep they're pretty much out cold..

But I pretty much got a big head and decided that sleeping in the living room of a loud house was just not going to do at all. So we started the daily battle of the naps. I'd rock him, lay him down in his crib, he's panic and cry. Or he'd last 10 minutes or so before he'd wail. Being too young to "cry it out" (which I'm still not a big fan of..or not completely educated on, not sure) I'd have to go back in there, pick him up, soothe, leave, he'd cry, I'd return, repeat.

I'll admit, I got really lazy with it. One day I pretty much said screw it and let him sleep out in his swing (or on a quilt on the floor, or in his Boppy on the floor). I mean, I guess I thought I didn't want to mess up a good thing, which is his night time sleep and I was afraid he'd develop an aversion to his crib in the day.

So for right now I have an almost 5 month old that takes 3 (1) hour naps a day IN THE LIVING ROOM. Not too big of a deal, but I am a little worried. Because what's going to happen when he's a year old, completely mobile, I'm ready to pull my hair out and I can't get him to sleep in his room during the day for a much needed Mommy break? Plus he's getting too big for the swing and the Boppy...

Ugh, I just don't know what to do. And it's not that it's that big of a deal but it's my first "new Mommy mistake" I feel like I've made.

Does anyone have any advice for me on this or been in a similar situation with their child(ren)? Any help would be appreciated.

Up and the Tallness

I am so very thankful. It's been 3 days since I cried or had an emotional outbreak. I am feeling so, so much better.

Internet friends are a great thing. In a way it's free therapy. They don't really know me, I don't really know them yet we share a common passion, writing. So thank you.

Everything is going pretty well except for this stomach bug that's going around. I really did go out and buy a whole boat-load of disinfectant wipes and cleaners today. I usually buy non-antibacterial cleaners but um, I'm scared and I don't want to get sick. Everyone I know has had this bug over the past 3 weeks and it's in our house right now. I won't get into too many details but yes, telehubby has it.

Blah.

Although I have enjoyed him at home the past two days. He's been working from home.

Henry's doing awesome! We have our 4/5 month appointment tomorrow. He's so interactive these days, busy developing his personality. It cracks me up that he turns into a hoot-owl every time we break out the camera. He's so mezmerized by it's sleek, red finish and flashing buttons and lights. As a result every picture is of him staring wide-eyed at the camera. I have one smiley photo I'll share with you.





He's really growing big and into Hank the Tank. I don't know why this surprises me, seeing how I come from a line of tall people and tele-hubby does too. Henry is 27.5 inches right now. TALL FOR A BABY. The other day I put a pair of 6 month pants on him that fit him in the waist but are sorta capri-ish on him now. I laughed and said, “Well. Welcome to a life of never finding pants or shirts that are long enough, Henry.

Yeppers.

Best baby advice:

Who cares about folding baby clothes? They don't get wrinkled, they are only on them for 4 hours until they barf, pee, poop or spit on them so save yourself the 10 minutes it takes to fold teeny tiny chinos, cardigans and onesies and get a fresh breath of air.

This was advice my girlfriend Alicia gave me. Well, not sure if I really "got" advice from her but it was something she told me when we were hanging out in her then 9 month olds room. It's very logical and sensible to me. I mean, hell, I don't even fold my clothes properly. Frankly, I don't give a fiddle if my undies or bras are in a jumble.

Thing I have noticed that is 9 times out of 10 times true for me:

If something is going to fall of the counter onto the floor it will either A.) fall on my toes or B.) fall into a bowl or puddle of something liquid. If the said item is sharp or blunt the chances are 9.5 times out of 10 that it will fall or puncture my toes.

That's all I got today.

"Amusing"

Today during my travels I came across the mother of all flashing signs profusely using quotation marks. People, don't abuse the quotation marks!

So the sign at the Farmers Market said;

"Eggs"! "Rabbis" <---I assume they meant Rabbits
"Hand Made Soap" - what? That's sketchy.

"Crafts"; like WITCH craft? That kind of craft? Or like Martha Stuart crafts?

And don't you know everytime I go off about quotation marks I think of poor Chris Farley, flailing his chunky arms around with gusto on this skit:

maybe I'm not "the norm". I'm not "camera friendly", I don't "wear clothes that fit me", I'm not a "heartbreaker", I haven't had "sex with a woman", I don't know "how that works", I don't "fall in line", I'm not "hygienic", I don't "wipe properly", I lack "style", I don't have "self-esteem", I have no "charisma", I don't "own a toothbrush", I don't "let my scabs heal", I can't "reach all the parts of my body", when I sleep I sweat profusely

And it cracks me up that something that people use essentially to make themselves appear "smart" makes them appear "dumb"

I "love" it.

The Weekend

This is the house we stayed in at Lake Gaston, NC
Baby guy slept in the bathroom. Oh yea, that's right: It worked the best - away from all the late night noise and this bathroom was attached to momma and daddy's room, so no big deal

This is the happy family on vacation together for the first time (besides family visits)
This is Henry figuring out he can pull Daddy's glasses off:





All and all it was a great time. I have such a great group of friends. Blessed be.

Bobby Jones

Bobby Jones stops by the house every couple of weeks to see if we need any work done around the house. He drives a sky blue beat up Nissan pick up truck from the 80's with an orange ladder in the back. He's got his brother in the cab with him, but he "don't talk much". Real nice guy. Life has been hard on him, you can tell by the leathery skin, rough voice and patchy clothes.

I have a real soft spot in my heart for people like this. Hard working men and women trying to make a decent, honest dollar the right way. So we pay him and his silent brother to clean out our gutters, rake the leaves, etc.

Today it's cold and raining outside and I heard his truck pull up. I met him at the door as to avoid the shrill pitch of the doorbell, which he always rings, as to not wake my baby up.

I greet him with a "Hello, sir!" and he smiled his toothless smile. Told him we didn't have any work for him this weekend (which was not a lie, leaves are raked, gutters are cleaned, and I'm broke). Asked him to come around next weekend, hopefully he can do something for us then. I can tell by the expression on his face it has not been a good day for work and it literally breaks my heart. He asks me if I know anyone else in the neighborhood that needs some work done and I have to tell him no again. Then I smile and tell him to have a good day.

I don't know him or really anything about him. I don't know why he doesn't have a "real" job or what he uses his money on or if he files taxes. It's none of my business really.

All I know is that he works hard, earns an honest dollar and he earns my respect.

One Blurb

Describe the most interesting thing that happened to you today in three sentences or less:

I saw two squirrels mating outside. That was weird and kind of disturbing. Fuck the groundhog, if that's not a sign of spring I don't know what is.

Ruts suck

This is a post about my depression that I've been working on for...hmmm, ever.

I am beginning to feel better, not as anxiety ridden. I am taking a newer antidepressant and we're (me, Alan and Dr.) hoping it helps me. I've been on it for almost 3 weeks now. So far, so good. No nasty side effects that I know of. I'm sleeping fairly well and not participating in any self destructive behaviors, so all of this is good.

But...

For some reason the evenings bring me such anxiety. As soon as 5pm rolls around I feel so nervous, hyper and agitated. My heart starts beating fast, I can't finish anything I start, I obsessively check the locks on the doors...I don't know how to describe it other than I feel scared. I get those tingly, non fun butterflies in my tummy. I just get so lonely. Lately I've been reading to Henry and going through flashcards with him at this time to kind of calm myself and concentrate on being a parent, but it's hard.

Then when 8pm rolls around and Henry is pretty much in bed for the night I really get nervous. No amount of breath can calm me and then the tears start. I beat myself up for not being happy. I feel so guilty that I feel this way, I mean, what is wrong with me?!? I have everything I want in the world.

Then Alan comes home and I feel better. Then we go to bed...

And repeat.

Tooth and Nail

Now that my hair is falling out by the handful I am getting antsy and want to cut it off or something. I'm not sure, but I need to do something. Any suggestions?

Here is a pic of me recently with Babyguy:



I have a nagging wisdom tooth (just one!) that's been coming in for over 4 years now on my upper right side and yesterday and today it really hurts. I should get it removed. I used to think that wisdom teeth removal was a totally unncessesary operation invented by cruel dentists to make money. I used to go on and on about it until I started getting my first wisdom tooth in and realized why they remove them. They hurt. Bad. It's still not enough for me to take immediate action though...not yet. When did your wisdom teeth start coming in? I've always been a late bloomer on everything. I only have one coming in and I'm 28. My g/f Alicia is a couple years younger than me and she also has her first tooth coming in.

Okay, boring. Talking about teeth. Sorry to put you through that.

Shadows

Day 3 of being in the house and I'm about to blow.

It's not so much that anyone in particular is irritating me. I'm just bored.

Last night I researched becoming a Roller Girl or taking a boxing class. I'd love to do something that would allow me to get some anger and aggression out. I didn't find anything about the Roller Girls but I did find some boxing classes. I just now asked Alan about it and he cracked up and said "Baby! What in the world has gotten into you?!?". So I guess he thinks it's ridiculous but I don't care. I think it would be good for me. Whatever. It'll probably never come to happen but it's fun to think about.

This week I plan on hitting up some thrift stores with my friend Alicia. I haven't been in forever so I'm not sure what I am expecting. I'd like to find some baby clothes for Henry and maybe a bowl or something for our junk food we keep on the counter.

This weekend we're going to Lake Gaston (NC/VA border) and we've rented a lake house to stay in. It should be a lot of fun to catch up with friends who I haven't really hung out with in FOREVER now. We'll be there for 3 nights and 4 days which means I'll be packing a ton of stuff because we're bringing the baby. But it'll be fun.

MoM Squared

Sometimes when I am investigating all to the internets have in store I find myself viewing certain Mommy blogs (no one I know in real life or blogroll!!) that are awesomely creative, innovative and syrupy, sickly sweet with their musings. I sometimes wonder what type of drugs these people are doing and where I can get my hands on some so I can also knit/sew/cook from scratch/cloth diaper a baby all while raising money for orphans and making my own laundry soap from organic...organic...whatever organic I can't even think of what is in laundry soap at this time.

Not that there is anything wrong with doing all those things, I think it's great an admirable and wish I could be so compelled to be good and wholesome and do those things but I don't. Is there something wrong with me?!?

My point is I wonder if these people are real. I really do! Because some days it's a wonder I'm even able to get dressed or take a shower, never mind all the other things I need to be doing.

That's why I am telling you that it's my objective to paint a real picture of what MY life is like and not like what I *think* it should be like. I'll never judge what any other family does that works for them, that's just not fair. I'll also always be real with myself and my blog friends. If it's too personal to share I just won't write about it here.

But I won't always paint such a glorious picture on how life is. Because it's not. Life is hard and extremely rewarding and so is being a parent which is my current occupation. It's a catch 22 between being grueling and monotonous and joyful and challenging. It can be extremely lonely and full of sighs but man, it's REAL and it makes you feel things you've never felt before and you do things you never thought you'd do (hello! Is that baby poop that my hand is resting in, why yes, it is!).

Now I'm stepping off my soapbox. Thank you for tuning in.

4 Months

Baby Guy,

Today you are a whole four months old! Man, has it been wild with you here in our life and we love it. You have the sweetest disposition. Your little personality shines brighter each and every day. You're quickly displaying character traits of both myself and Alan and it's so funny! For example, when I smile at you you'll smile back and open your mouth really wide while smiling and it reminds me of myself. Your eyes are as blue as your Daddy's and you're 27 inches tal1 and 17 pounds, which is awesome.

I still love to dress you up although you're growing out of your clothes quickly these days. You're wearing size 9 months and above. You're not a chunk at all, you're just big! Which is not surprising at all looking at myself and Alan. We're just big people. I am hoping you inherit your Daddy's metabolism and knack for being athletically inclined. But if you don't that's awesome too, maybe you'll be more like me and be funny, loud and love to write.

Either way, we'll love you for always forever and ever for sure.

You're such a handsome guy! In fact, my nickname for you is Baby-guy because you just look like such a little boy. We spike up your hair giving you a faux hawk because little boy hair just does not suit you in my opinion. The grandparents don't think much of that hairstyle because every time they watch you they comb your hair down. And I let them because who cares, right?

You are such a dream baby, sleeping from 9pm-8am every night since you were 6 weeks old, give and take a few nights. You don't take too many daytime naps, just little 20 minute cat naps now and then. Although I am still working on getting you on a set afternoon nap at least for an hour. You're not a fan.

Right now you are sick with something called RSV and an ear infection in your right ear. It's fairly common among kids your age and from what I can tell it's like a bad cold. I took you to the doctor yesterday because we heard you weezing Wednesday night and were concerned. The doctor was not too worried about that but was happy that I brought you in. You're on a pink antibiotic that you take like a champ. I still remember the smell and taste of that stuff as I took it when I was a little girl. It's the same stuff, can you believe it? Bubble gum flavored Amoxicillin. YUM. Despite being sick you are still pretty cheerful and smiley. Just a little fussier than normal in the afternoon.

Speaking of eating – WOW. At 3 months old you were eating 8ozs every 2 hours and then spitting up most of it, which is why you wanted to eat every 2 hours I assume. We started putting rice cereal in your bottles at 16 weeks and then you started eating 7ozs every 3.5-4 hours. Then we started spoon feeding you bits of rice cereal. After seeing how interested and how well you were eating like a big boy I started you on 1st solids – squash, sweet potatoes, carrots, bananas and peas. YOU HATE PEAS. Just like I did! You love the sweet potatoes the most. So now, for your afternoon feeding you have a bit of veggies and cereal and you absolutely love it. I have so much fun feeding you!

Bath time is really hard now. It's so much easier with Dad around to help. You move around a lot and stiffen your body so that I can't sit you down in the tub. However, you have discovered you can splash around your legs and arms a lot and seem to enjoy that.

We're looking forward to you sitting up on your own which we work on every day. You roll over from your front to your back and now we just need to get you going the other way.

Your favorite song is Patty-Cake and you love it when I move your arms and hands around and clap your hands for you. You smile and laugh and it's so sweet!

Taking pictures of you is funny. You get a deer caught in the headlights look on you every time we bust out the camera. It's because the camera is red and it flashes a light before it snaps the picture and you are just so intrigued by it that you never smile, you just look so intrigued. It's funny.

But you're such a blessing and I can't believe how I lucked out on such a great little guy. I can't wait for all the next exciting first you do.

Love you for always forever and ever for sure,

Mom.

Shoe Woes

I love to shop. I love makeup, clothes, purses, scarves, etc. I love sales and the thrill it gives me when I find a good deal. I know my way around the mall better than I know any section of town and don't even get me started on my Target obsession. Yet I have one shopping hang up that surprises people.

I am a horrible shoe shopper.

I cannot ever bring myself to purchase shoes. I think it's because I am very particular when it comes to my feet. If the shoes are too tight, uncomfy, pinch, or make noises when I walk (yes, it has happened) all bets are off. I like to purchase 2 pairs of shoes for the whole season and make them match with everything. They must have a very slight heel because I have a high arch but I do not want real high heels because I'll be trompsing around the house, grocery shopping and taking care of Henry. But I'd like something a little more fancy than my purple and black New Balances or Rainbow flip flops which I currently sport.

I think another issue I have with shoes is that they're so expensive. Don't get me wrong, I'd rather spend $60 on a "good" pair of shoes than $60 on 3 pairs of crappy shoes. Quality is key but that's also the problem. If you get the shoes home and they don't work or they make your feet smell, well, that's $60. And yea, I'm kinda tight with money.

I need help!

Hair, Hair Everywhere

Over the past two weeks every time I shampoo my hair I leave behind enough hair to make Beyonce a new weave. OMG.

They do tell you that after you have a child you will lose some of your luxurious pregnancy hair and I was all, "Oh yea. I don't care. PLEASE get some of this hair off of my head it's so thick and I'm HOT!!". But now I am kind of scared because seriously, it's A LOT.

It's totally normal though. Almost every woman who has had a baby goes through this and it's nothing to worry about. I'm sure it's something I only notice. Plus now I can put my hair up in twists again because NOW the clasp on the barrette will actually close!

And look what I got for my loss of hair:




Enough said.

Our First Lady's Eyebrows are Overtweezed. Things I just noticed.

I have really sucked at blogging lately.

Must get better. I'll put it on my list.

This weekend was awesome! I actually got to go out, see some friends, watch some college b-ball, eat out 2 times. OMG. BIG.DEAL.FOR.REAL.

Today Alan cooked a roast all day and we just vegged out, playing around with Henry.

So, if you're friends with me on FB you probably know I've been sick for a while. Like, 4 weeks ago in Tulsa I got a cold and it's never really gone away and instead festered into what I thought was a week long migraine but was my sinuses. I have an awful sinus infection and since I haven't really been sick,sick for a while it seems like the worst thing ever.

And um, taking care of an almost 4 month old is very challenging when you don't feel well....so I've been extra run down.

So anway, once again I am promising to be a good little blogger and bloggity blog more...and I will.

Beckisms, and not the artist BECK, because I love him.

I'm not really sure why, but I watched Foxnews a lot today. Sometimes I like to tune in to see the other side of the coin. It's incredibly entertaining to me. Ya'll know I'm sick.

So, I watched Glenn Beck's little ditty and the thought occured to me to drink every time he said PROGRESSIVE. I went through a bottle of whiskey and tequila and still wanted to stab my eyeballs out.

Of course I am kidding - BUT - Glenn Beck has a problem that I used to have. He thinks everything has to be fair in the media. It should be, but it's NOT. It's your responsibility, if you are so inclined, to gather your news from several sources on the interwebs then make up your mind that they're all full of shit then give up hope on the world.

Okay, I'm just kidding, but I am really pissy and angry today. PMS? Not sure.

Short Fortune

We're all home. Pretty great trip. Henry slept 11 hours at his grandmas (night time sleep). Made for smiley parents.

My new little nephew is so tiny, I love him!! He's like 9lbs now. It's hard to believe that Henry was even smaller than that at birth (6lbs). Henry is now 27 inches long and 18lbs. We have a very hearty eater on our hands.

I had a fortune cookie that said "You will fall into a great deal of money soon" and I wish I hadn't gotten it. I'm superstitious in a way and all I can think about is someone dying to inherit money. So stupid, I know, but I'm weird and I can't get it out of my head.

Packing

OMG! I am patting myself on the back. Why? Because I just packed for 3 days and 2 nights at Grandma P's house for Henry. It is highly plausible that I'm forgetting something but I think I have most of it: clothes-clothes-clothes, bibs, food, NIPPLES (never get tired of saying and laughing), bottles, pacifiers, wipes, glow worm, 2 toys. All in one little bag. Well, alright, it's not little but it's an awesome bag - zebra print and all.

Now I just have to pack Alan and myself. Why Alan? Because he works lawyer hours (LONG FUCKING HOURS) and we're leaving right after work to drive to Alan's parents.

Henry loves his carseat and will most likely sleep or quietly observe the whole trip and now that I've typed that sentence I'll most likely have a screaming 3 month old the whole 3 hour trip.

Traveling with a kiddo is fun I think. It takes a lot of work but it's so good to be around people that love him and me. Plus I get a little break with everyone around.

Damian Joseph (new 19 day old nephew) here we come!!

Random Quiz Week: Take II

1. Why did you take this quiz?

   I took this quiz because I'm out of clever blog fodder and hope it strikes me up again.

2. Do you have lots of friends?

I do. I've always been lucky that way. I have Oklahoma friends, Raleigh friends, family friends, friends of friends, friends who are family, friends, friends, friends. I am blessed!

3. What's the best thing about today?

   The best thing about today is that it's Friday. This means a couple things to me: 1.) I have made it a whole week back at home by myself taking care of my baby boy, 2.) I'll get to see my husband this weekend because hey, there's no work, and 3.) We're going to M-ville to meet my new nephew, Damian, who is 2 weeks old now. I am most excited about number 3!

4. Are you crazy?
   Not certifiable. Without going too much into it I've struggled with depression and anxiety since I was 14 or so. I've been diagnosed with many different things from Generalized Anxiety Disorder, Bipolar (that was a mistake) , ADD, General Depression, Postpartum Depression, etc. Who knows what it is exactly - but I am pretty much always medicated and I have a good sense of humor about it and I will NOT be ashamed of my illness anymore.
   

5. Men and women can go crazy in different ways and for different reasons. What's your situation? Um, see number (4) and also add to the mix a beautiful 3 month old, no family here and PMS. There ya' go.
   

5. 
   

Quiz Week: Take I

I'm at a writing blank so I've decided to take self indulgent quizzes as a writing exercise. Here we go:

Question 1: What color are your toes?

I'm Not Really a Waitress Red, peeling of course. I need a pedicure.

Question 2: Do you name your socks?
Actually, yes! But it's not creative. It would be like, "My cupcake socks", or "My celery socks".


Question 3: What color is my beard?

Flesh colored creepy beard. Actually, I've done such a good job concealing it with makeup you don't even notice.

Question 4: How do you know I don't have a beard?
Do you stalk me?
Like I said, concealer is key.

Question 5: Finish this sentence. "Llama Llama Llama Llama Llama Llama..."
DUCK!

6: Are you a girl or a boy? I'm a girly-girl.

Question 7: Do your hand sanitizer talk to you? I fucking hate hand sanitizer, but yes. It burns, it burns!!

Question 8: Who is the hottest guy in Harry Potter 4? I like that sassy little red head guy.

Question 9: Hi.Question 10: Me + Robert Pattinson =...eyebrow tweezing session. His eyebrows are a little too thick.

Question 11: Who is Robert Pattinson you ask? the vampire guy with the thick eyebrows.

Question 12: What color is Uncle Rico's van? Black on the outside, grey vinyl on the inside (really, wtf?)

Question 13: Has anyone noticed this? In Napoleon Dynamite, when Summer does her routine after her speech, a Backstreet Boys song plays. The movie takes place in the 70s and the Backstreet Boys didn't come out until the 90s!

Napoleon Dynamite is full of funny little Easter Eggs like that. It's part of it's charm.

Question 14: Treesafer is a combination of what 2 names? I dunno. I can't even think of a funny answer to this question because it's totally blowing my mind. What does that say about me?

Question 15: Do you feel smarter after taking this quiz? I feel more creative. Wee.

I would simply LOVE

For you to check this out! I did it.

Tweedle-Dee and Tweedle-Rum

Do you think his hair has a hint of auburn to it, or is it just me doing some wishful thinking? Either way, I love him so much. Look how pretty his face is! Already wearing size 6-9 month clothes. He's getting tall!

Medical Professional

If I were a medical professional I suppose I'd want to do something in skincare. Or maybe not. Oh god the smells, the smells! Decaying flesh, unwashed flesh, dirty fingernails, gross. There's really not much I'd be able to do then I guess. I could be a front office type personnel. "Hi Mr. Johnson! So, you're here to see about the decaying mob of flesh upon your face? Sure, Dr. Holiday will be right in. Take a seat please".

Um, no. That would so not please my professional bits.

Would I care to work in a plastic surgeons office? Same bit there. Blood, ooze, pain pain pain...and that's just the patients.

So let's try psychiatry. Yea, that would work. I'm already familiar with the drugs and I'm half crazy anyways. I'd mesh with the clients well.

**This was a random writing exercise**

One Year Later!

(oh, and this may be TMI but not really, I don't think)


Today is a memorable day.

1 year ago I found out I was pregnant!! We had been trying for almost a whole year (11 months) and finally it happened. I remember just staring at the pregnancy test for forever like, "really?!?". I just had to let it soak in, the thoughts, not the pee on a stick.

The first person I called to tell was my Mom of course. I know most women would want to tell the Dad but he was no where to be found and I HAD to share the news right away.

I took 3 more tests, all positive, and then decided to tell Alan as soon as he got home. He knew right away though because for the previous weeks I had wanted nothing to eat but steak and I'm not really a big meat eater. I had also been really sick and dizzy last year around christmas time. Now I wonder if it was pre-pre-pregnancy.

Either way, we were so excited that we finally got pregnant, finally!

We tried almost everything but the one thing that worked for us was the Clear Blue Fertility Monitor. It basically just tells you your most fertile times. It worked for us on the second month. Basically I have 32 day cycle and ovulate on the 19-20 days. Which was awesome to know because we had been operating under the assumption that I had normal cycle and was ovulating on days 15-17. No wonder we weren't getting preggers.

Anyway, I just wanted to share that little story.

Kids are so amazing. We're back home in Raleigh now and Henry is just loving his sweet Daddy up and vice versa. I feel happy and relaxed as well.

I bid my Aww-dooos.

Tomorrow we leave this lovely, fun and dysfunctional town to head to our own lovely, fun and dysfunctional town on the East Coast. I'm very anxious to fly just because I always am AND with a baby it makes things a little more nerve racking. Not everyone feels the way I do about it, but going through security with a child is very sweat inspiring. Nervous sweat. It's not a big deal and people do it all over the world, traveling with children. So it's just something in my head that I have to say "Look, it'll be over soon, no one's getting hurt, we're just going through the screening process you're not tying anyone up".

Then I get to fly from Tulsa to Dallas and Dallas to Raleigh. It'll be a long day for my baby and me. But we'll make it. He's an awesome little traveler. Likes to look around and check things out.

THEN we'll get to meet up with Daddy or my Husband and I am so excited to see him! I've missed him lots and can't wait to be snuggled up in bed next to him tomorrow night. It's cold and he's like a space heater. :)

Picc-tchaaas. Right at-cha!